Dinner, Bathtime, and Rejoining the Human Race

Before I write my big, long, post, I will share a few photos from this evening:

 Jeremy cooked dinner tonight. Yum! He found out last month that he is diabetic, so we have been trying to eat a diet low in carbohydrates and sugar with as much lean meat as possible. Yes, this is my plate. No, I did not eat it all! :) On the menu: blackened tilapia, cajun shrimp, and steamed green beans.

 Bathtime with Ava is always fun. She loves taking a bath! We still bathe her in the kitchen sink because she is still small enough to fit, and it is easier on my back and knees. I think we will have to move bathtime to the real bathtub next month. She has started arching her back and trying to get away from me. She likes to knock down the dishwashing detergent, sponges, and drain plugs that I keep on the back of the sink. It really doesn't bother me, but it does get annoying having to put away the same things over and over again!

 Snug as a bug in a bath towel! Ava has several towels to choose from (duck, kitten, spa robe) but this towel is my favorite! The hood has a crown that says, "Princess," and it is warm and snuggly!

Getting her dressed after a bath is always an ordeal! I constantly have to flip her over to get her diaper on. Her crazy hair dries faster in the back than it does in the front. Therefore, I have to comb out the back and get it settled down before even putting on her diaper. Getting Ava dressed requires energy and strategy!! (But it is so much fun!)

Now, on to the last part of my post. Ava will be six months old on Monday, June 13th. That is half a year! Amazing! She has made so many accomplishments in just a few months. I post frequently about her milestones and achievements, so that will not be the focus of the last part of this post. I want to blog about my achievements.

I had several people warn me about the "Baby Blues" and postpartum depression. I knew the warning signs and knew that if I was honest with friends and family from the beginning and expressed my emotions, I would have a better chance of fighting it off. 

After Ava was born, I cried every single day for about a month. But I was not depressed. I was so grateful to God that I had a healthy and happy baby. I would cry when I sang to her. I still do. I leave the singing to Jeremy because I fear she will never learn all the words to "Jesus Loves Me." I still cannot make it all the way through that song without crying. I cried when she smiled at me. Her smile is so big and overwhelming that my smile does not do justice. 

I felt really good about myself until the 4 month mark. I guess I felt like the weight would come off easily. It always had in the past. I was on the South Beach Diet for 3 years and managed to keep off the 40 lbs. that I gained when we moved to Alabama. Naturally, I started on the South Beach Diet again and expected the same results. Not so. I actually gained 1 pound for every week that I was on the diet. After 4 weeks I quit. I could keep my weight the same and not feel like I was starving myself, so why not? Every time I looked in the mirror, though, I felt this sense of loathing. No matter how happy I was, I still never felt "right." It got to the point that I felt embarrassed to go anywhere because my clothes were all so uncomfortable.

Jeremy became concerned with my obsession with my weight. He called my friend Carla and told her that I was having a rough time and he needed some help. That evening, I sat in Carla's living room and cried. She was so sweet to me. She was only a couple of weeks away from delivering her second child and she made time to console me. I think what helped me the most was when she said, "Honey, you brought life into this world 4 months ago. Give yourself a break!" I started to laugh because what she said was so simple, yet so true.

The next weekend, Jeremy surprised me with a trip to Disney World for my birthday. He also did away with the scale. I have no idea what he did with it. It could be hiding under the seat of his truck or it could be in a dumpster somewhere. Who knows! Since I stopped weighing myself, I have felt so much better! :) I also finally feel like those crazy hormones are leveling out. The trip to my favorite place on earth helped quite a bit, too!

Today, I put on some jeans that were too tight a month ago. They fit nicely and I felt good wearing them. I looked at my profile in the mirror and noticed that I am starting to shed some of those pounds. I am not dieting, I think my body just needed time to recover. I also have no clue how much I weigh (and I don't care!) I took Ava on a walk through our neighborhood and talked with one of our neighbors who moved here a few months ago from Texas. When I came back home, I felt like I had just walked out of a haze. For the first time in a long time, my head felt clear and I felt normal. I finally feel like I am rejoining the human race!