Things I Am Worried About...

I know what the Bible says about being anxious. I remind myself of it every day, several times a day. I try really hard to not be anxious...but I am. I pray numerous times a day. Sometimes I even stop in the middle of a meal just to talk to God about my worries. I know that whatever happens will be fine, but I have what some people might call "control issues." I just really need for things to work out a certain way so that I feel better. I have a hard time letting go and letting God (not all the time, just when I am pregnant) Here are some things I am worried about right now:

1. Going into labor in the middle of the night. We have a family that will take care of Ava if that happens, but I don't want to drop her off in the middle of the night. I don't think my heart could take seeing her cry and telling us "bye-bye"while we pull out of the driveway. I am crying right now thinking about it.
2. I am worried about someone else putting Ava to sleep at night. I have always done this (there are a few exceptions) and I consider it one of the most precious moments that I spend with our daughter each day. I love the way she whispers, "I yaya," (I love you) after I whisper it first to her. Even if I am only gone to the hospital for two or three nights, I will miss that.
3. I worry about seeing Ava for the first time when I am in the hospital. I am afraid that she may not want to come to me. If that is the case, my heart will be broken. I am going to try really hard to not make a big deal about it, but internally I am struggling with that scenario. I am not going to force her to come to me, but I would like 1 really giant hug with her head on my shoulder. I hope I can get that from her.

I am not worried at all about loving one child more than the other. I know without a doubt that my heart holds the capacity for any children we have. I can't wait to meet Greta and get to know her the way that we have had the chance to get to know Ava. I look forward to bonding with her. I know a lot of people would tell me to "man up" or "cowboy up," but I am neither a man nor a cowboy :) I am just a sappy mom who wants what is best for her children.

So, if you are reading this, please pray for me. The ideal scenario would be me going into labor after June 4th. June 4th is the day that my mom arrives from Texas. I would love for her to stay at our house with Ava so that Ava is not taken out of her routine and environment. It would probably just seem like Mom and Dad have gone on a long date. Please pray that this happens for us. But also pray for my emotional state if this does not happen and I go into labor a little earlier than planned (my due date is June 7th) I would very much appreciate it! I know that God is working in my life and will continue to work as long as I let him. I guess I need to pray that I will have some peace and acceptance if my "plan" doesn't go the way I want it to go! 

To Ava and Greta: If you choose to get married and have children, you will understand why Mommy is such a mess right now! I love you both so much and cannot wait to see your relationship grow!