The Casey Anthony Trial

I debated on whether or not I should blog on this subject. I am sure it is a very controversial topic for many people and I aim to have a controversy free blog. But, I really feel like I need to record my thoughts and opinions on this case.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty in the murder of her little girl. Many people are shocked at this verdict because the evidence really did seem to be stacked against her. I am shocked at this verdict. I don't know if she murdered her little girl or not. A huge part of me hopes that she really didn't do it. I do have a Pollyanna way of looking at things sometimes. I know that anything is possible, yet I also know that nothing is impossible. I would hate to think that a mother is really capable of murdering her offspring. I cannot fathom what that would be like. I have seen all kinds of comments on Facebook ranging from one extreme to another:

"God will judge her soul." (Yes, he will judge her soul just as he will judge ours)

"We have an unjust judicial system." (Maybe so, but the jury found this woman not guilty because the prosecution could not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that this woman killed her little girl.)

"I knew she didn't do it." (Well, only God and the person who murdered this child know who really did it)

I don't really want to focus on the trial and all the ins and outs, instead I want to write a letter to my Ava. I  plan on printing this blog for her and giving it to her when she turns 16. I figure that would be the best Sweet Sixteen present I could get for her. So, here goes:

Dear Ava,

Because this case has evoked so many emotions in me, I want to let you know some of them. First of all, I LOVE YOU. I tell you every day, 100 times a day that I love you. I tell you how beautiful you are to me. When I say that you are beautiful, I don't mean merely physically attractive. Your presence in my life is a beautiful thing. Sometimes I think my heart could explode from the beauty of it.

Secondly, I could never in my right mind do anything to hurt you. Have I ever been frustrated that you were crying in my ear and I couldn't get you to stop? Yes. Have I ever had to walk in a different room because I needed to get away from you screaming? Yes. Have I ever wept because I didn't know anything else to do with you? Yes. Have I ever handed you over to your dad and said, "Take your child!" Yes. But, have I ever wanted to inflict bodily harm on you? NO! NEVER! I would walk in front of a bus if I had to choose between hurting you or hurting myself. You are God's gift to me and your dad and we will always treasure you as the second best gift that has ever been given to us (the first being salvation)

Third, I want you to know that our connection has always existed. I didn't know it existed until I became pregnant with you, but it has always been there just waiting to show itself. I know that the soul is an eternal thing. I feel like ours have always been intertwined. I think I realized this when I was 28 weeks pregnant and your dad took me to the emergency room because you had not moved all day. The nurses at my OB's office were always able to find your heartbeat right away. The nurse in the ER took a while. So long, in fact, that your dad sat at the end of my bed and put his head down where I could not see him. It scared me. My heart sunk and I thought, "I can't believe it. We are THAT couple. The one's that lost their baby." But then, your heartbeat was found. I started shaking and crying because I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without you. We hadn't even officially met, and I knew that I loved you more than life.

Fourth, and last. When you were born, your father and I put our foreheads together and sobbed. We didn't just get teary-eyed. We SOBBED so hard that both our bodies shook. Your birth truly was the most cathartic moment I have ever experienced. I want you to know that you have always been wanted. You have always been loved. You will never have to wonder, "Did Mom and Dad love me?" We will tell you every single day of your life. You may even get embarrassed by our doting, but I don't care. I know that deep down, you will want to hear it! 

I love you, 

Mom

You may wonder why a letter to Ava would be imbedded in a post about the Casey Anthony trial. The answer is this: I look at EVERYTHING through the motherhood lens. I think very differently now. It doesn't mean that I am smarter or more stupid. It just is what it is. I hope that Casey Anthony had these same thoughts about her baby girl. I hope that she cried for joy when Caylee was born. I hope that she met all of her needs without hesitation. And most of all, I hope that she did not murder her little girl. That is a lot to live with.