I need to post so many things right now. I need to blog about Ava's 10 month benchmarks, and my latest coupon adventure, and bath time. But it can wait until tomorrow. Right now I am having one of those Mommy moments. You know what I am talking about. The type of moment when you feel like your heart might burst. You feel like if you were to die tonight, it would all be okay because you have had the chance to experience motherhood, which has made you happier than you ever dreamed you could be. You didn't even know that you could experience joy like this. Well, you would be happy to know that I do not want my heart to burst, nor do I want to die tonight, but I do want to try to put into words the joy I feel.
Many people might be surprised to know that when I was younger, I had no desire to become a mom. I am totally goal oriented and a HUGE overachiever. I am also a bit competitive :) It was my dream to have a Ph.d by the time I was 30. My goal was to have a career teaching English Composition and World Literature classes at a distinguished university (not sure which one) I did not really even want to get married, but if the right guy came along, I was open to it. I guess since the right guy hadn't come along in high school, I figured that he probably wasn't out there, especially since almost all of my high school friends were in steady relationships with guys they had met in high school. Some were even married by the time I reached my 2nd semester in my freshman year of college. I was not mature enough to realize that MOST people do not meet their spouse until college or even after.
I wanted to travel the world. I was a nanny to a Persian family. The mother was a pediatrician and the father was a pilot. When she was on call, I would stay over at their house to watch their two little girls in case she was called out. I heard so many of her traveling stories: Israel, Aruba, England, India, France, etc. I wanted those same things. I wanted to have a back up degree in Art History and be a curator at the Louvre. I wanted so many things and marriage and motherhood were not part of it.
During my freshman year of college I met my best friend, Jeremy (now my husband) For the first few months of our friendship, he was just a friend. We sat on different sides of the living room in his house. I gave him a really hard time about everything. I was blunt with him and told him when he needed to chill out about things (especially his job) I also let him know that I was not really interested in getting married and having a family. I felt like I needed for him to know that since he was 10 years older than me and seemed to want to settle down. Then the unthinkable happened...I fell in love with him. It was not a defining moment, it was just how it happened. I spent enough time around him to know that he was a good friend and a good man. He could also help me get to Heaven, which was another one of my goals. So, I started figuring things out in my head. Okay, I could get married and still have a Ph.d. I could still travel. I just didn't want to have kids. Well, he did. How were we going to work that out?
Well, it took a few months to work it out. We both decided that we would wait 5 years before we started trying to have kids. If I was still unsure of having kids at that point, then we would wait longer. We were both okay with that decision.
During our first 4 years of marriage, we traveled, moved to a different state, and did basically everything that we wanted to do. As we got closer and closer to the 5 year mark, I started realizing that I really did want children. So we started trying a little earlier than we planned. I got pregnant the first month we tried! Our Ava was born to us last December, and she has rocked our world.
I only have a B.S. in Elementary Education (a far cry from a Ph.d and an Ivy League school) I have no plans to go back to school and get a Master's Degree. I haven't been to Israel, Aruba, England, or India. I only worked for four years in the school system and don't care to go back. One day, I will see the Louvre, but not today.
No, today I laid on my couch because I have been on antibiotics for a sinus infection. Today, I cleaned vomit off of my brand new black leather high heels. Today, I watched the pile of dishes in my sink grow taller and the pile of laundry on my couch grow wider. Today, I had a good laugh with my daughter. Today, I watched my best friend pour water over our little girl during her bath. Today, I thought about what my life would be like without her. Today, I cried because I can't imagine not having her.
God is so good...
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